I recently learned, today in fact, that there is a term for some of the frustrations I have with my life.
That term is bierasure.
So if you dont know what that is, here's Google's answer: "Bisexual erasure or bisexual invisibility is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources. In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include the denial that bisexuality exists."
But boil that down to what it means to my life, it means erasing part of who I am as a person, just for the sake of convenience and society pressure.
I am a bi woman married to a straight man. Yes, I can enjoy all the privledges that straight white couples do. Yes, I enjoy my husband and we could theoretically reproduce. I am in no way ashamed of being married to my husband. I could theoretically live the rest my life having sex with the same male person.
BUT. These things do not negate who I am. If you've read my blog going all the way back to 2002/2003, you know I spent most of my teenage years dating a girl and a good portion of that time coming to terms with being a lesbian or possibly trans. I spent almost two years living as Jai. Teenage years are hard. And then when that relationship failed, I began dating this guy, and I had a bigger freak out about dating this guy in terms of who I am and my sexuality than I did when I started dating my ex-girlfriend. Finding who you are is tough. It was tough in the 2000s when the LGBT movement was first gaining ground and public awareness. And it's tough now as a 30s adult.
I feel like I worked hard at becoming who I am, accepting who I am, and having gone through the process of coming out as a teenager (who was lucky with loving parents), I don't think I should have to hide who I am.
My experiences and preferences should not be belittled because now I am married to a man. Yet, most everyone in the know even my ex-girlfriend considers it a phase or "it didn't count cause we were teenage girls".
I hate to break it to ya, but I still tickle the little man in the boat to girls. My eyes still follow those hot runner chicks at the park. I still, even as a married woman, develop crushes on other females. Just because I am in a monogamous relationship, does not negate who I find sexually attractive. It does, however, mean I will not step outside my marriage to fulfill those attractions.