crying at night
suicidal
Why the fuck am I the one to get shit on all the time?
All I want to do is take Viktor to the vet and get him fixed. No big deal. I've had the damn appointment set for 3 weeks. I've been telling mom everyday she needs to stop at Wal-Mart on her way home from work and get a cat carrier. But low and behold she forgets every damn day. And now today she was off all day and she couldn't stop from her busy schedule of sleeping on the couch to take me to Wal-Mart. it takes a grand total of two hours to go buy what I need and come back. But no, she needs her damn sleep. It's not like 20 hours is too much. So now, 5 hours b4 I should leave to go toHuntington for Viktor’s surgery, she's still
asleep. And she doesn't plan on going. Nothing I have to do is important for
her. Nothing. I had a safety meeting today for my white water rafting trip. She
wanted me to stay home and clean. That's all I am to her is a fucking cleaning
lady who baby-sits. I've always been that. Nothing more. Nothing I want to do
is important. If I had any other place to go I wouldn't be here. And I'll be
damned if I'm moving back in with my Dad. I couldn't stand all the damn rules
and all the damn kids. And being alone all week. I'm really pissed at my mom
right now. So fucking pissed I was hiding under my pillows and blankets to cry
w/o DeAnna hearing me. I hate how my parents treat me like shit, especially Mom.
I'm not important to her. I'm not important at all to anyone. SO here it is 10
o clock at night and I'm bawling my eyes out like a sissy girl b/c my cat get
fixed. That's what it sounds like. It's more than that. I've realized again how
unimportant I am to my mom. She's fucking asleep and the couch for the billionth
time today.
Why does everything happen today?
I finally came clean to Kim about my gender issues. Yea. It went over real well. We almost broke up. Yea so I'm a girl and that's how it's going to forever be. No more short hair cuts and no more mens pants. Yea 100 % girl for now on. I think I'd rather shoot myself.
All I want to do is take Viktor to the vet and get him fixed. No big deal. I've had the damn appointment set for 3 weeks. I've been telling mom everyday she needs to stop at Wal-Mart on her way home from work and get a cat carrier. But low and behold she forgets every damn day. And now today she was off all day and she couldn't stop from her busy schedule of sleeping on the couch to take me to Wal-Mart. it takes a grand total of two hours to go buy what I need and come back. But no, she needs her damn sleep. It's not like 20 hours is too much. So now, 5 hours b4 I should leave to go to
Why does everything happen today?
I finally came clean to Kim about my gender issues. Yea. It went over real well. We almost broke up. Yea so I'm a girl and that's how it's going to forever be. No more short hair cuts and no more mens pants. Yea 100 % girl for now on. I think I'd rather shoot myself.
I think I'll go drink the chemicals under the sink now.
