Goals

Five short terms goals for myself:

1. Move out
2. Go out on a friend date
3. Win an argument with my husband
4. Go to bed at a decent hour, continuously
5. Quit smoking again

Diagnosis

First off, a couple of months ago, I made an appointment to be screened for depression. Well, I kinda already knew the outcome. I know I suffer from depression. Not so surprisingly, after the first appointment yesterday, the psychologist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, Type II.  And I've agreed to weekly sessions with her to find coping mechanisms for the next three months. And she recommended I go see the psychiatrist to explore medications, but that appointment isn't for another 6 weeks. So there's that.

In other medical drama in the life of Mico, I finally received the results from the biopsies done on my leg back in May. The area isn't cancerous. That's good. But due to the unusual nature of the cells, my dermatologist decided it would best to remove my birthmark. So I have been referred to a plastic surgeon later in this month.  The spot is too large and too deep for my dermatologist to remove, plus I believe the surgeon will try to minimize the scarring on my fine ass leg.

More exciting news, I bought a car. It's a 02 Cavalier like my old one, and I'm quite happy with the old thing. It's black and it feels like coming home again. Except this time it's a manual, and I didn't know how to drive stick when I bought it. So, I've been forced to learn. It's been frustrating, but now that I am getting the hang of it, I kinda enjoy it. I haven't name my car yet. It's definitely not Darla.

Jobs News.  I was told a couple of weeks ago that work would be keeping my past the season to help out in the fall. They did say it would be reduced hours, to 4 days a week or 32 hours. Now, they're having budget problems. Meaning, now it's an "as needed" position, but I should "keep my weekends clear". That's really freaking annoying. I let my second job go so I could continue to work for the park. Now, I have to start all over in my job search, and it's really unfair to me and to a potential employer to expect me to keep my weekends clear just in case they need me at the park.

Kisses

I get annoyed that my husband only kisses me deeply and with an open mouth when it's time for sex.  And sometimes not even then. I like kisses for the sake of kisses.

I am a Liar.

I lie. I lie about unimportant things. I don't know why I do this. I even catch myself as I am doing it, and I ask myself why I just lied about that.  For example, I once told my sister-in-law that I wore one size larger in bras than I really do.  Why is that important that she think I have a bigger rack than I obviously posses? It's things that don't even matter. No one is going to judge me if I say I only had 2 pieces of the pizza instead of three. No one really cares that my car get 3 less mpg than what I tell them.  My family isn't going to think differently about my husband that he starts work this week rather than last.  I don't know why I do these simple small lies and it's difficult to keep up with the ones I do tell and to whom.  Maybe it's an underlying fear of not being good enough or wanting to present a better face than I have. What difference does it make that I have been married only  8 years versus the ten I tell people. Or how about I'm 27 and not 30.  I have two years left in college and not 1.5.  Seriously, wtf, brain?