Monday, January 17, 2005

Update on Awesome


Sunday was so fucking awesome! :) I went to Stephen and we hung out all day. *evil tehehe* :-P Yea.

Anyways, been awhile since I made a really long post about feelings and stuff, 'because I've been too busy being happy to actually type anything or even think. So It's Monday and Monday's suck, so I will ramble about some of what I am feeling about different things in my life.


here I go


1) I moved back in with Mom like last Monday, just the day after I moved out. Well, our relationship is a bit strained right now. I can understand why, too. She is adjusting to a new me. She hasn't seen me be like how I am in a long time. She's still getting used to the idea that I have a boyfriend and I'm 17, so that makes it all okay to do what ever I want...a little note here....She was pregnant and Married at she's a hypocrite to a point. Anyways, work is killing her too. It's been going better now that she fired her Asst. Manager, but now her Super is a big ass. Anyways, her company is so bitchy. She's having surgery on the 24th on her wisdom teeth, then the week after they are removing more than half of her bottom teeth b/c another dentist fucked them up a year ago. Now she's has to get fake teeth. It's going to be weird having Mom with no teeth for about 3 weeks until her gums heal. She won't be able to talk. Maybe we won't yell at each other as much. Things will get better between us.

2) My feelings concerning Kimi are still a little mixed. I mean, I know I am with Stephen and I love him and all, but I see Kimi everyday. I guess it's where I used to love her. Okay, actually that's all bullshit, cause she really PISSES me off. She likes to ruin people's lives, and now she's plotting with her friends to ruin this guy's relationship with his girlfriend, just so Kimi can have him. Okay, she should just wait in line like everyone else has too, instead of ruining one relationship. She's evil, vindictive, manipulative, and a liar on most things. I don't like seeing things like that go down, especially by what I thought were good people. LIE! well, anyway, I think Kimi and I are friends, I think. It's more than a little strained, because she makes me really angry and brings the worst side out of me. She knows how to push my buttons to get what she wants. She knows how to make me angry and how to make me really sad. And there's three things that really piss me off a)dissing softball and my teammates b) dissing my friends/boyfriend c)playing with my feelings. Those things really piss me off. Okay, she knows how to get an argument out of me. And she tries to everyday. I am just so glad Chad's there in 4th to keep me away from her.

3) I think I've fallen in love with Stephen. Yea, so I've seen him once since we started dating, but yesterday was really fun. We talk everynight. When I talk to him on the phone and when we're together, I'm so fucking happy. I just light up. When I'm talking about him, I get so gleeful. And I'm just glad we think so much alike on much everything. We don't argue, and we make each other really happy. And there's something that he knows about me, that Kimi never knew. (sort of like how many different bed noises I can make...hehe) I'm just so happy. I'm still a bit nervous about like sex and stuff, because it's been 3 years for me, since I was with a guy. And now that there are feelings behind the actions, I'm getting all jittery. Yesterday was okay, but I think we both were nervous, because it had been a long time for him too. I'm afraid of it. a little bit. But, I am really happy to be with him.

I think I'm done for now...sorry for some TMI's.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

New Year, New Me?

My new Anniversay - January 3rd, 2004!!!

Okays. I hate school. Period.

I hate being here. I
d much rather be home, talking on the phone to Stephen, but I am stuck here. Actually If I didn't go to school I'd figure someway to go to his place or him to mine. sort of miss him. sort of. Wow.

This is really strange for me. I haven't had a boyfriend in like 3 years and I'm excited and sort of scared all at the same time. My family is so happy that Kimi is finally gone, and I'm excited that I have Steve. SO excited. It's like I go to sleep thinking of him, partly because It's 2 am and we just got off the phone and partly because I am so FUCKING HAPPY! And Then I wake up and I remember what we were talking about and I smile. I actually smile. I'm such a romantic. lol.

It's really sad too. For some reason I can’t stop thinking about Kimi, about how I burnt everything she every gave, including the stuffed animals. I did that yesterday, btw. Awful smell and black smoke. And It's sad to think that we can't at least be friends, but when I think about it, I don't want to be friends. We aren't on talking terms. I'm sort of lonely, but it's over with her PERMANETLY. SHE pisses me off and I just want to beat her fucking. It's like she's stealing my friends. Okay, my back up plan at lunch has always been sit with Chad or Beth and heather, but now...Beth and heather have 2nd lunch and Kimi took up with Chad...And now, I don't guess I am even going to eat. Well, I will. I won't do that to myself over some stupid dyke. FUCK THIS SHIT. everyone is tired of hearing about her so FUCK her and all this BULLSHIT!

so...back to thinking happy naughty thoughts about Sunday...

can't wait until Sunday...

Just a Little Help

Here's where I am in life right now. Job accepted at a bigger park. 1.5 hour communte, like 60 miles away. $10 an hour. I did the math,...