Thursday, December 30, 2004


It is time for me to confess my real feelings about Stephen.

I am unsure if I could potentially have more than a friendship with him.
I'm a dyke and that's the way it's always been. I'm butch to make matters worse.
If I pursue my feelings for him, am I lying about myself?
I don't believe in bisexuality - it's confusing.
And I don't think I'm a gay guy, and Stephen would look that way with me.
Could he really even think about it?
As far as I'm concerned, I'm a dude- I look like one, I act like one, I even screw like one.
or is that what draws us together? - besides his great humor -
I could never tell him these thoughts, because there is still a Michelle in me. which reminds me - she has been coming out a lot lately.
Is it possible for a hardcore pussylicker as myself to entertain thoughts of denying her rainbow calling and pursue a penis - even a hilarious and fun one?
I'd like to say that it would be a refreshing change from all the estrogen in my life, but am I ready - is he ready - so soon after both of us just got out of serious relationships? I still have feelings for Kimi and he still has feelings for Andrea. Does this make what I feel a pity fuck (even though there is no fucking involved)?
I'm not lying when I say I really care for him, and that
I would be willing to pursue something. There are just these uncertainties about my physical appearance (like how I’m not that pretty of a girl with this short hair and small tits) that would make things difficult. If nothing comes of this I will be happy just being the great best friends that we are.

Just a Little Help

Here's where I am in life right now. Job accepted at a bigger park. 1.5 hour communte, like 60 miles away. $10 an hour. I did the math,...