Saturday, September 11, 2004

Another Night

so here I sit, with my bowl of fruit loops and my mountain dew.
I sit here waiting for you to show, but you never do.
I waste my night waiting on you.

You are unaware. You don't know I'm here.
You don't know why I sit here and wait for you.
Just to see you type lol and :) over and over again.

How can I waste away my life waiting on this internet for someone so far away? For someone who I'll never see except in pictures. For someone the by my own laws of love and sexuality I am forbidden to like. I will not say love. I love only one at a time, but why do I desire an encounter with you?

Saturday, September 4, 2004

Beginning of Junior Year

so school is hard this year.
In AP English, We have to read 5 chapter every night. That gets tiresome, especially when I am working from when I get in to dark on the house and my car. tiresome...

AP Calculus is a joke! The moist advanced class at Guyan Valley and all we do in there is color Tiki Men. ha!

So...I'm the Editor of the yearbook, s\no problem and great for my transcript. There are 5 seniors in that class. Two of them are editor and one of them have been in it since 10th grade. That one is very pissed at me b/c I’m editor and it's only my second year and editor is supposed to go to a senior. She cussed me out today because I made a list of themes and gave them to the class, edited some proofs, and graded planners. Grr. It's for my grade anyways. pisses me off because she won't respect the fact that I work a lot harder than she does and I got it and not her. :-P so screw her. if she doesn't like, I’ll just not turn in a grade for her.

Physics is cool.

Speech sucks, but it's just another class.

Art is cool, except that I’m in there with a bunch of 9th/10th graders...

so...I got kit on by 3 guys this week...well in one day. "Brandon" (I blew him many years ago and he can't accept the fact that I’m gay...)He sat with me on the bus and noticed how my tits had disappeared...I said I know. he asked if I wanted to meet him anywhere later...I said that's kind of gay... and I got off the bus...

Then this guy I used to be fuck buddies with but never dated came over and brought a like that was going to happen...

What I can't understand is other than the fact they still try to get in my pants even though I look nothing like the girl they liked and I've been an out lesbian for years...confusing.

So.....I've been having these sleeping problems lately...two days this week I feel asleep while I was doing something. The first day I was lying on the floor playing with Viktor with a squeaky mouse thing and feel asleep on the floor. The second day yesterday, I was lying on the couch in my room drying Viktor off from his bath and I feel asleep and slept until this morning. I was even late for school. It's kind of scaring me b/c Mom does that all the time b/c her blood sugar is all fucked up. I don't want to be like my mom falling asleep while driving and talking. Just yesterday (I heard about this morning from DeeDee) that Mom fell asleep while sitting on the porch talking to our neighbors. scares me.

My arthritis in my right hand has been acting up all week. I think it is from holding a pencil so much. I can't hold small things. my hands have been so stiff and sore..

Damn I have a lot of medical problems...fucked up blood, fucked up liver, fucked up kidneys, fucked up hands, fucked up brain, I’m just's a wonder I dun have aids or something...but that
is another story.


Just a Little Help

Here's where I am in life right now. Job accepted at a bigger park. 1.5 hour communte, like 60 miles away. $10 an hour. I did the math,...