Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Broken Uterus



I left my position of manager and returned to working for the State Parks, in an office position this time.  I was super excited for it. I loved my job there last year, and I am/was looking forward to another season of travelers, wanderers, and wildlife.  The idea of going back for another season was one I had been playing with for a few months.  I know I don't enjoy managing. I didn't enjoy a 50 hour a week job, and I knew I could only do it for so long.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Restless


Ever get this feeling of just restlessness in your life? Nothing is good. Nothing makes you happy. You can't make even simple decisions? Where you want so much more, but are just stuck? Unhappy with most aspects of your life? Feel like nothing you do will make a difference in your life? Feel like you are working so hard for nothing? Feel like you can't meaningfully connect with the people you are supposed to be the closest with?
Me neither.

It's time to up my meds again, I think. Drug myself out so much that I don't care anymore, again.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Adulting sucks


So I dropped out of college. I worked so hard to get back in, to pay off my debt, and to work my way out of probation, and I quit. I keep telling myself there wasn't any other option. I had to. I am the sole financial support of my family and we were on the verge of losing what little we had to lose.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Sun and Corn


Taking some advice from my therapist about all the time I spend with my husband, she claims we spend an abnormal amount of time together for a married couple, as in every single minute of the day when I am not at school and he’s not at work, while not necessarily bad in and of itself, just that we don’t do anything other than sit in a 10 by 12 room with each other. So, may have taken my therapist’s advice too literally, and am currently on a six day trip not with Brian. 
So today s day one on my vacation from my life.  I’m kind of viewing it that way.  Running from my life fixes none of its problems and is a totally unhealthy way to deal.  Yes, I know. I just don’t care. It’s either this crazy spontaneous trip across the country or go a little more crazy each day until I finally jump off the deep end into full on crazy. SO here’s to me, getting out of my comfort zone, finally standing up to my husband, doing something without a plan, and shedding a little bit of my personal armor.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Wringer


Today was my second session with my new therapist, and I kind of feel like a failure. I am not sure what I expected therapy for my Biopolar Disorder to be like, and how to proceed with it all. She asked about my goals and what I'd like to work on to help with coping mechanisms and what not. 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Goals

Five short terms goals for myself:

1. Move out
2. Go out on a friend date
3. Win an argument with my husband
4. Go to bed at a decent hour, continuously
5. Quit smoking again


Friday, September 4, 2015

Diagnosis



First off, a couple of months ago, I made an appointment to be screened for depression. Well, I kinda already knew the outcome. I know I suffer from depression. Not so surprisingly, after the first appointment yesterday, the psychologist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, Type II.  And I've agreed to weekly sessions with her to find coping mechanisms for the next three months. And she recommended I go see the psychiatrist to explore medications, but that appointment isn't for another 6 weeks. So there's that.

In other medical drama in the life of Mico, I finally received the results from the biopsies done on my leg back in May. The area isn't cancerous. That's good. But due to the unusual nature of the cells, my dermatologist decided it would best to remove my birthmark. So I have been referred to a plastic surgeon later in this month.  The spot is too large and too deep for my dermatologist to remove, plus I believe the surgeon will try to minimize the scarring on my fine ass leg.

More exciting news, I bought a car. It's a 02 Cavalier like my old one, and I'm quite happy with the old thing. It's black and it feels like coming home again. Except this time it's a manual, and I didn't know how to drive stick when I bought it. So, I've been forced to learn. It's been frustrating, but now that I am getting the hang of it, I kinda enjoy it. I haven't name my car yet. It's definitely not Darla.

Jobs News.  I was told a couple of weeks ago that work would be keeping my past the season to help out in the fall. They did say it would be reduced hours, to 4 days a week or 32 hours. Now, they're having budget problems. Meaning, now it's an "as needed" position, but I should "keep my weekends clear". That's really freaking annoying. I let my second job go so I could continue to work for the park. Now, I have to start all over in my job search, and it's really unfair to me and to a potential employer to expect me to keep my weekends clear just in case they need me at the park.