Stupid Student Loan People

I'm just a tad pissed, so nothing may make sense.

I have consolidated all of my student loans. ALL of them. I have in my possession letters from all companies involved that my obligation to may them is over. I do not owe them ANY money. NONE. ZERO! I only owe my consolidation loan. that's it. period.  SO why is it that SALLIE MAE is still reporting to the National Student Loan Directory people that I owe them money? And that I'm in default? Especially when, I owe them nothing, and they sent me a letter saying I owe them nothing! The debt is paid.  SO, I call them and what do they tell me?  My account has been paid and closed.  And I should direct all questions to my consolidation loan company. THAT DOES NOT FUCKING HELP ME. IT IS SALLIE MAE REPORTING I OWE THEM, NOT MY NEW LOAN. AND THEY CAN'T FIX IT.  SO what does this mean? I'm still INELIGIBLE to receive student aid.  complete and total BULLSHIT.  It's not like I'm ever going back to school, but it still pisses me off. I work my ass off to have a better life. I want to get an education so I'm not working at GINO's for the rest of my stupid life. But let's face it, I'm not going back. It's never going to be financially okay to make myself better.  I'm not ever getting out of this stupid life of poverty.  IT FUCKING SUCKS. I try to fix things, they just get worse. SO fuck it all.

Empire pisses me off while Brian got a Job

Empire Books pisses me off that I go there, looking for a book that is a Mass Market and has just been released recently. They don't have it, they never have any book that I'm looking for. I don't believe I've actually bought anything in about 4 years, I've been in there plenty, with full intentions on spending money there. Nope, they obviously do not want my kind of business. And second, their whole trading policy is a crock. I will not leave my books with you for you to determine their value and then call in a few days to tell me what you will give me in store credit. No, no, and no. I want to trade them now, and I would like to use that credit now. I don't trust you to not loose them and short me. That sounds like an old person, but my books are my life. I don't trust anyone with them. I about have a heart attack when I do loan books out. And it breaks my heart that when they are returned they have been dogeared, laid face down, breaking or stretching their spine. My god, have some respect. So, no I will not trust a random person and business that I have faith in to do their crappy trading. Especially, a rude crappy person who represents their company with poor customer service and that has their nose so far in the air, they are sniffing at god's asshole. So, yea, I'm pissed and I'll just stay at my trusty Borders, where I walk in, pick my book up off the shelf, and purchase it with no attitude or problems.

And Brian has a job, which excites me.

Doctor Brian's Recessive Soul

Alright, I haven't written a new blog with content in ages, sort of been on a hiatus from the interweb with only limited exposure, for the health of my brain.

Alright, this is going to be one big ramble fest and I'll jump to topics as they roam through my head.

First, we are in a recession. Anyone normal knows what that means? Well, I know, but it never really hit me, because Brian and I have been doing so well since it started. We're finally financially independent, both with jobs we love, and the lights are still on, and we still have our own place. My dad has told me a couple of times that we're lucky we have jobs because the economy is crack and there's so many people out there that don't have one and can't get one. I was like oh not around here, it's hard to make the poor poorer. Nope, I got a reality check today. My company has decided to cut jobs. I still have mine, so no one freak out. It's not big like GMC closing an entire plant, but it's still a cut. And what hit me was one of my favorite mangers got laid off. It makes me angry and sad that the company just goes "poof" no more job even though you have dedicated years to this job. Things just have a bigger impact on you when it's closer to home. Yea, that's all I have to say on that.

So, speaking of money, I got the deal of a lifetime yesterday. I bought a mp3 player for one dollar. That's right, a DOLLAR. and it makes me squee. 

And to something else, I am in love with the Doctor. lol. Brian and I are on this Doctor Who kick right now and I've gone all 16 year old fan girl on him. lol. See my layout? and I want a sonic screwdriver. and Props to Micah for a lovely Doctor costume this past Halloween, even though I didn't get it then. Now i do, and bravo to you. LOL. 

Also, I got this book a few weeks ago, and it was CRACK. It's called the Name of the Wind. I really enjoyed this book and I'm counting down the days until the next one is released in April. Kvothe is my new fav book character. He has red hair. Finally a redheaded hero. I'm tired of stereotypes of anger and rage and evil and gods. 

Which brings me to my next subject. I am very happy that I am a redhead. It's an essential part of me. I oddly enjoy reading the stats that 6-8% of Americans have red hair. Makes me unique. I know in this area there are several redheads, but that's due to our regional ancestry. But in other places, it's very uncommon. I'm not rightly sure on my family's heritage, and that's something I'd like to find out. It'd be a fun adventure.

So another topic, since I haven't really voiced anything on what happened in January. I feel that adequate time has passed and I can speak with less emotion. It was all a fluke, a rush of emotions with an unclear head. I thought I had to seek out others to love me because I didn't feel comfortable with my own husband. And it was my fault. I know Brian like no one else ever will, and I was irationally scared to open up to him. I am glad that I conquered my fear. That Brian is my best friend, my husband, my constant companion, and will be the father of my children (funny noses and all). He is my other half, my soulmate (if that what you want to call it), and it was never anything he did or didn't do. My problem was with myself, and you can't break up with yourself, I know I tried. Once we worked it through, he helped me come to terms with myself, and I have let go of my past. I can appreciate the good times and the memories, and now I know those things are best left in the past. Something new cannot be something old (just like Amy says). LOL. Now, I think we are at the best we've ever been, and I'm glad of that. I finally understand what true love it. Thank you, my love.

And which brings me to other crazy thoughts. I don't think souls exsist. Okay, so one guy may have proven that when a person dies they loose 3/4 of an oz in weight. Supposedly that's the soul leaving the body. But no, souls don't exist. Conscious energy does not exist. Energy is energy, it does not have thoughts. Thoughts are neuron firings in the brain, which make thought energy. But they cannot exist in a freeform state with out a nervous system. So it's absurd for me to think that if i die, I am going to be floating around in my energy gas with thoughts running trough me. That I have this magical thing inside me that can identify the person I am going supposed to be with forever, that through my actions I can condemn my soul to eternity in an unpleasant place or let it enjoy the rapture of peace. Ok, so my thoughts are this. There's no god, devil, heaven, hell, souls. When we die, that's it. We're dead. The chemicals in our bodies that cause conscious thought and intellect and personality is extinguished. Dead, that's it. You cease to exist. Your body returns to the earth eventually. But you are nothing anymore, just memories. Okay, so that was a long rant thing.

So that's my newly updated blog. Yay.

I got married today.

This post added later to clarify timelines.

Brian and I got married today.