Posts

Just a Little Help

Here's where I am in life right now.Job accepted at a bigger park. 1.5 hour communte, like 60 miles away. $10 an hour. I did the math, and at this point, after all the deductions, I'll be bringing home (to pay bills with) $30 more week than what I currently do on unemployment.  Job Before, no benefits, no deductions, seasonal only. Bring home pay around $340 a week. Now, bring home pay about $250 a week. insurance, retirement, full time. year round.  Beggars can't be chosers, and some work is better than no work. Fine, I'll do it. Get 1st paycheck in a month.Hubs is now in the process of getting his teaching license. Has job offer substituting. $90 licensing fees. Will be called at 5am for assignments to any school within our county. Can't start working until those are paid.fine. Now,  big problem. 1 car. Car that is not up to such a long commute everyday for me due to age, and the snow where I'll be working. Big mountains to cross. Tiny car. And it's my 30…

Dealing with Death

Dealing with death or impending death of a loved one while also dealing with your own mind can be it's own special kind of torment.


Silence

I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts (and sometimes actions) for 16 years now. It's not a widely known issue for me. I tend to keep all this bottled up and then sometimes posted on this blog, never on my social media accounts.

The Misadventures of Going Into Business with Family

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One big life goal of mine is to own my own business. A legit brick and mortar shop shop.

Mission accomplished. I went into business with my mother and opened a local home decor shop. And it's been one big horrible mistake.

It's been a bad day

I have never wanted to drive headfirst into a telephone pole more in my life than I want to today.

The Itch

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I have this itch in my brain or under my skin. It's hard to place. It's unsettling. I've felt it before, usually when I'm about to do something stupid, make a poor decision, or in general do something I know will hurt my life goals. This itch, it's like a thought, or a feeling. It always is whispering to me. Its not very nice. It makes me question what I want in life. It makes me ask myself, am I happy? do I enjoy where my life is? Do I enjoy the people in my life? This itch, it's an evil thing. It comes about every so often. It forces me to change jobs, question my marriage, and distance myself from my family. I fight it. I hate it. This thing that tells me that I'm better off alone. I'm better off if I leave it all behind. It tells me to run. to get into my car and never come back. This itch, it fights against what my life is. It tells me things can be better. That I can go where I want, and do what I want, be what I want. It tells me these lies. and …

End of Summer

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It is that time of year again, the end of the summer.

My summer was actually good. I enjoyed another season working for the park. The job itsself wasn't as fun as last year, because I was in the office this year. I missed the sunshine and I missed being able to roam about the park. But, overall it was swell.  I am being kept beyond Labor Day, which is a good thing, I'll take part time work over no work. What made the summer better was that my husband was also hired at the park as the naturalist. He was the guy entertaining the thousands of guests we have